Oct. 12th, 2010 10:15 pm
yaisa_forehba: (Default)
[personal profile] yaisa_forehba
Title: "Preference"
Author: Me
Rating: R (slight sexual content)
Genre: angst, smut (minimal? dunno :D)
Pairing: JongHo, Onesided!JongTae
Disclaimer: unfortunately don't own them.
Summary: If someone "prefers" you, can you really throw your life away for that someone? Kim Jonghyun can.

A/N: I wrote this from a prompt by [ profile] crazyoverbishie  I don't know if it is to your "preference" (lame) but I hope you do enjoy nevertheless.

Special thanks to my beta [ profile] kurokitsune09 :D

I wrote this while listening to Yiruma - When the love falls (the song mentioned in the fic). Listen to it while reading, it really is good.
Yeah, angst. From the person who naggs all the time, that she hates angst. xD sorry ...but it's all Yirumas fault! I swear! xD

"Hyung, you look like a mess, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Taemin, don't worry," I could see in his eyes, that he didn't believe me. But he didn't ask further. For the first time, I was grateful for Taemin’s sensibility.

"I'm tired. I'll go to sleep," I said while walking to Minho’s and my shared bedroom.

I undressed myself and lay on the bed. A bad habit of mine. Sleeping naked. Although Minho seemed to like it a lot. I could see it in his eyes. The lust for me. Only me, right?

I closed my eyes and listened to the music flowing through my earphones. All the while thinking of just one person. Minho.

Where was he? What was he doing? With whom was he? Was he thinking of me?

I had them all the time, penetrating my thoughts like a winding worm, never leaving me alone for just one second. I knew all the answers to those questions. Of course I knew. I couldn't blame them though, could I? No one eased my thoughts. No one took them from me. No one said that they were ridiculous. No one. Not even me. I'm stupid, aren't I?

The answers? Simple. He was out. Having fun. Without me. No, he wasn't. In other words, Hyung-whoring.(A/N: Yeah it's an angsty fic, but I had to, sorry xD) Simple, isn't it? I didn't even notice my tears. I never did. I just drifted to sleep like that. Alone. Always alone. Or so I thought. In reality I never was alone. I just didn't see them. The caring eyes, which were just looking at me. No one else. Only my image was reflected in those eyes.

When I came to, I was lying on my stomach. Still alone? No. I could feel him in the room. I opened my eyes and shifted a little, which caught his attention.

"You're awake hyung," he said with a happy undertone. I couldn't stop my heart from beating like crazy. I never could. He walked towards me, making the bed shift under his weight. He started, trailing butterfly kisses all over my body, stopping between my shoulder blades, grinding his still limp member against my thigh, drawing moans from me.

"Hyung, I want you," There it was again, the lust in his eyes. Does he really want me? Or does he want somebody else? Maybe one of his other hyungs? I don't want to. I want to scream 'You don't love me!' to cry, to punch him, run away. But I can't. It always ends the same way. Me underneath him. Fucked senseless. Repeating itself. Never-ending.

"Take me, Minho." Why? Why, Jonghyun? Why can't you say no? I really am stupid.

How did we end up like this? Me, a moaning mess and Minho between my legs, sucking my dick with pleasure. Oh yeah. Because I'm a stupid and sadistic guy who loves to see himself shatter. I can't stop myself from moaning, screaming in pleasure, repeating his name like a broken CD.

Why won't I stop him? Is it because I love the feeling of his throbbing member in me? Because he sweet-talks me? Because I'm lonely? Because I love him? Do I love him?

I guess. Why else would I be like this? Don't they say love blinds?

Reminds me of a particular song, "When the love falls." When the love falls there has to be at least one person who'll be falling with the love. When did I fall? Did Minho fall too? He didn't even love me, did he? He never said he did. So why were my hopes up nonetheless? I know why. They are still up. Wavering, but never leaving me.

"Hyung, you know that you are my favourite hyung, right? You know that I prefer you over everyone else, right?" Right.

So let him have his way with me, as long as I can hear him say that. As long as my hopes aren't shattered, as long as I'm breathing. As long as he prefers me. Let him have his fun.

"Hyung." I looked up from my book and into Taemin’s eyes.

"What is it, Taemin?"

"Leave him,"



"I can't, Taemin."

"WHY?! Why can't you? What does he give you, besides pain and agony? I can give you so much more, much more than he ever did or will!"

"Because I'm his preference."

Yes. Because I'm his preference. I'm willing to take all the agony he gives me. Because I'm his preference, I'm willing to make Taemin feel the same agony as me. I'm willing to sacrifice my whole being. Until the end, until he pushes me aside, until he finds someone he loves, truly loves. Maybe until I can't take it anymore and end up dead. Maybe, just maybe until he loves me back.

Kim Jonghyun, you truly are an idiot.

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November 2011


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