Preference

Oct. 12th, 2010 10:15 pm
yaisa_forehba: (Default)
[personal profile] yaisa_forehba
Title: "Preference"
Author: Me
Rating: R (slight sexual content)
Genre: angst, smut (minimal? dunno :D)
Pairing: JongHo, Onesided!JongTae
Disclaimer: unfortunately don't own them.
Summary: If someone "prefers" you, can you really throw your life away for that someone? Kim Jonghyun can.



A/N: I wrote this from a prompt by [livejournal.com profile] crazyoverbishie  I don't know if it is to your "preference" (lame) but I hope you do enjoy nevertheless.

Special thanks to my beta [livejournal.com profile] kurokitsune09 :D

I wrote this while listening to Yiruma - When the love falls (the song mentioned in the fic). Listen to it while reading, it really is good.
Yeah, angst. From the person who naggs all the time, that she hates angst. xD sorry ...but it's all Yirumas fault! I swear! xD




"Hyung, you look like a mess, are you ok?"

"I'm fine Taemin, don't worry," I could see in his eyes, that he didn't believe me. But he didn't ask further. For the first time, I was grateful for Taemin’s sensibility.

"I'm tired. I'll go to sleep," I said while walking to Minho’s and my shared bedroom.

I undressed myself and lay on the bed. A bad habit of mine. Sleeping naked. Although Minho seemed to like it a lot. I could see it in his eyes. The lust for me. Only me, right?

I closed my eyes and listened to the music flowing through my earphones. All the while thinking of just one person. Minho.

Where was he? What was he doing? With whom was he? Was he thinking of me?

I had them all the time, penetrating my thoughts like a winding worm, never leaving me alone for just one second. I knew all the answers to those questions. Of course I knew. I couldn't blame them though, could I? No one eased my thoughts. No one took them from me. No one said that they were ridiculous. No one. Not even me. I'm stupid, aren't I?

The answers? Simple. He was out. Having fun. Without me. No, he wasn't. In other words, Hyung-whoring.(A/N: Yeah it's an angsty fic, but I had to, sorry xD) Simple, isn't it? I didn't even notice my tears. I never did. I just drifted to sleep like that. Alone. Always alone. Or so I thought. In reality I never was alone. I just didn't see them. The caring eyes, which were just looking at me. No one else. Only my image was reflected in those eyes.

When I came to, I was lying on my stomach. Still alone? No. I could feel him in the room. I opened my eyes and shifted a little, which caught his attention.

"You're awake hyung," he said with a happy undertone. I couldn't stop my heart from beating like crazy. I never could. He walked towards me, making the bed shift under his weight. He started, trailing butterfly kisses all over my body, stopping between my shoulder blades, grinding his still limp member against my thigh, drawing moans from me.

"Hyung, I want you," There it was again, the lust in his eyes. Does he really want me? Or does he want somebody else? Maybe one of his other hyungs? I don't want to. I want to scream 'You don't love me!' to cry, to punch him, run away. But I can't. It always ends the same way. Me underneath him. Fucked senseless. Repeating itself. Never-ending.

"Take me, Minho." Why? Why, Jonghyun? Why can't you say no? I really am stupid.

How did we end up like this? Me, a moaning mess and Minho between my legs, sucking my dick with pleasure. Oh yeah. Because I'm a stupid and sadistic guy who loves to see himself shatter. I can't stop myself from moaning, screaming in pleasure, repeating his name like a broken CD.

Why won't I stop him? Is it because I love the feeling of his throbbing member in me? Because he sweet-talks me? Because I'm lonely? Because I love him? Do I love him?

I guess. Why else would I be like this? Don't they say love blinds?

Reminds me of a particular song, "When the love falls." When the love falls there has to be at least one person who'll be falling with the love. When did I fall? Did Minho fall too? He didn't even love me, did he? He never said he did. So why were my hopes up nonetheless? I know why. They are still up. Wavering, but never leaving me.

"Hyung, you know that you are my favourite hyung, right? You know that I prefer you over everyone else, right?" Right.

So let him have his way with me, as long as I can hear him say that. As long as my hopes aren't shattered, as long as I'm breathing. As long as he prefers me. Let him have his fun.

"Hyung." I looked up from my book and into Taemin’s eyes.

"What is it, Taemin?"

"Leave him,"

"..."

"Hyung..."

"I can't, Taemin."

"WHY?! Why can't you? What does he give you, besides pain and agony? I can give you so much more, much more than he ever did or will!"

"Because I'm his preference."

Yes. Because I'm his preference. I'm willing to take all the agony he gives me. Because I'm his preference, I'm willing to make Taemin feel the same agony as me. I'm willing to sacrifice my whole being. Until the end, until he pushes me aside, until he finds someone he loves, truly loves. Maybe until I can't take it anymore and end up dead. Maybe, just maybe until he loves me back.

Kim Jonghyun, you truly are an idiot.



Date: 2010-10-12 08:17 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-13 03:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] crazyoverbishie.livejournal.com
ugghh..i feel bad for Jonghyun and Taemin....>.<

and Minho is a jerk...>.<

actually i didnt have any thought about this prompt..it just popped up in my head..but actually i like how you wrote it...XD

pls do write more..ill be waiting for another awesome pieces from you^^

p.s. ill put it on my fic-list soon^^

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From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-10-13 11:51 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-12 08:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
SPOT! For my adorable dongsaengie and beta [livejournal.com profile] kurokitsune09 thanks sweetie <3

Date: 2010-10-12 08:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] kurokitsune09.livejournal.com
haiii unnie!! <3333333333333

No problem!! I loved it, angsty or not. so it's all good. <333333

Poor Minnie, Poor Jongie. *hugs and glomps them both then glares at Minho* yah!! CHOI MINHO YOU JERK!!! (puffs cheeks out in anger)

(glomps unnie)

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Date: 2010-10-12 10:01 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shy-cookie.livejournal.com
for the first time I scream
STUPID JONGHYUN!
WTH?
ALLOWING YOURSELF TO DEGRADE YOURSELF LIKE THAT?
ME DOESN'T APPROVE!
MINHO HERE IS A JERK!
Taemin is so sweet...he should have showed Jonghyun what he could do for him!

Date: 2010-10-12 10:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
I KNOW RIGHT!!!!!!! *hits herself* T^T Kim Jonghyun, you IDIOT! Choi Minho, you JERK!
Yeah, Taemin <3
He should have. But my muse left me after my laptop battery died on me and I had to write everything again.*sigh*

Thanks for reading and commenting, sweetie~ <3

Date: 2010-10-12 10:45 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] shan-ah-non.livejournal.com
i love angst~ ;-; i love you~

Date: 2010-10-12 10:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
You love angst? WOW~ :D
Aw~ I'm flattered THANKS! <3

I'm glad you liked it, thanks for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2010-10-13 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] lynx-dream.livejournal.com
Aww. Poor Jjong. *kicks Minho* Evil Minho! How dare you break Jjong's heart?! Just for that Jjong should hook up with Taemin and have lots of smex in front of MInho while Minho is forced to watch but not allowed to participate. haha. I really liked this fic even though my poor Jjong and Taemin are heart-broken. Can't you make a 2nd part with a happy Jjong??

Date: 2010-10-13 11:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Haha I bet Minho would die! No smex for Minho? He couldn't stand it xD

Haha I'm happy you liked it! :D

I'll see what I can make out of this fic! Maybe OT3? I dunno~

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2010-10-13 11:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
UGH! I'm so surrrry sweetie! Q^Q
You'll be on top for the next one. Promise.

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Date: 2010-10-13 08:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] mistxcloud.livejournal.com
if my maknae read this she will call minho SATAN...
Jonghyun why are U so blind??!!!
Taemin is there for you go to him will ya???
I can't blame bcos love is blind enough for Jonghyun..
poor Taeminnie oppa...

Date: 2010-10-13 11:45 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Satan? Haha that's good!

Yeah, Jjongie is totally blinded by love T^T

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2010-10-13 11:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] eris-kira.livejournal.com
I see my OT3! *reads*
* kicks Minho* Why are you always like this? In almost every fic?!

*cuddles Jjongie* A happy sequel, please?

Date: 2010-10-13 11:44 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Cuz he loves Hyung-whoring! T^T

I'll see what I can make out of this fic! Maybe there'll be a happy sequel, but I can't promise~

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3
(deleted comment)

Date: 2010-10-13 11:42 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
I'm happy that I could make you mad at Minho? xD

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3
(deleted comment)

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Date: 2010-10-13 01:51 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] alicedelusion.livejournal.com
omg, be back whenever.

CRYING LIKE CRAZY SHIT. UHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!VHDBMBG

SO FUCKING SAD NOW. I WANT TO DIE WITH JJONG TOO IF MINHO EVER REJECTS HIM.

Date: 2010-10-13 02:33 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Aw don't cry! *hands tissue*

I would never kill Jonghyun! NEVER! I would die too, if I'd ever kill him! T^T
I still have hope, that Minho will accept him!

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3

Date: 2010-10-13 03:07 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] anothergirl25.livejournal.com
Hi... I live in Kiev... one year ago I studied English in the International House. Something ugly happened to me so far with my English teacher, he attacked me... I would like to tell my story to the world. Please visit my page and leave me a comment. I feel very down. And guilty. And scared...

Date: 2010-10-13 03:38 pm (UTC)

Date: 2010-10-13 11:43 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] juliiyy.livejournal.com
WHY SO SAD!
It's the first time I don't wanna see Jonghyun and Minho ending up together!
Jjong baby why are you like this? Taeminnie loves you!!!
AND MINHO YOU STUPID HYUNG WHORE!
I'm mad at Minho now.
And at Jonghyun for being like this.
I love Taemin here<3
Waiting for another fic from you!

Date: 2010-10-13 11:55 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Haha sorry about that, sweetie!

Will it cheer you up, if I tell you, that I'm working on a happy sequel? :D haha~

Thanks for reading and commenting! <3

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Date: 2010-10-18 04:16 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] bluemonkeyrain.livejournal.com
Why so sad? D:

Poor Jonghyun and Taemin. If only someone would beat Jonghyun with a smart bat and make him see he can find much better.

Why so mean, Minho? D

Date: 2010-10-18 03:49 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
I'm sorry~ T^T
Cuz Minho is such a hyung-whore~~

I'm um, thinking of a happy sequel so I can make up for this~
(deleted comment)

Re: ANGST!

Date: 2010-10-21 02:59 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Hahaha you crack me up, you're so cute xD
Comes to my angsty fic to rub it under my nose!

And your "that's right" kinda reminds me of Rains hip song <33

They are stupid right?? Sometime (in the near future I hope) I'll write a happy sequel!

Aww~ thanks! <3
(deleted comment)

Re: ANGST!

From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com - Date: 2010-10-21 03:13 am (UTC) - Expand

Date: 2010-10-28 01:57 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ainuuut.livejournal.com
Seems like you`re a sadist and enjoy me crying. And seems like I`m a masochist, because I love this fic, though I wanted to hit Minho.

Date: 2010-10-28 02:10 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yaisa-forehba.livejournal.com
Maybe I am? ahahaha xD nooooooo~
I'm sorry~ don't cry hun!

Thanks for loving it!!

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